Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
