This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
