just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
