4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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