Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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