Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
