how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Randomize
