just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
