Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
