I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
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I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
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I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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