worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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