It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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