I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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