If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
