Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
