North Korea, Best Korea!
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
