Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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