How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Soap is not a condiment
kristin has been a bad kristin
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
