R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
