I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
