That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
