sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
