I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
