just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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