Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
