Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize