I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
