After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
