the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
