I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
