Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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