Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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