I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
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so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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