I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
