the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
