Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize