Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
The struggles of a small town man whore
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
