all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
