hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
