Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
