I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
