The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
