Little spoons don't ask big questions
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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