I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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