I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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