I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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