No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
