I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
