I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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