I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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