haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
