I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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