please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
