Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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