we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
