Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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