I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
