i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
