May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
