Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
