Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
