Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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