he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
