Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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