check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
