so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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