Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
