Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
