please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just want to make out with him forever
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
