I think I am morally bankrupt
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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