seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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