sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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