I think i peed on brittanys purse
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
